[Near as I Can Tell] Kit Reveal: Batcher

Apparently I should have saved my fun animal facts for this one. Oops.

So when Omeeega Fudge came out last week, I dropped a healthy dose of fun animal facts on you. And how does CG respond? BY DROPPING A GODDAMN ANIMAL ON ME. Just a great big middle finger somehow poking me in both eyes like an electron split experiment run by the three stooges. Unbelievable.

But also, in another sense, completely believable.

And also, certainly not a “fuck you” to me because the odds anyone at CG gives a flying fuck what I say is, well, not zero - their parent company EA (for whom I did in fact work some decades ago) did get my April fool’s joke banned from Reddit last year - but also I’d say very very close to zero. The limit of the function of shits CG gives about me over time approaches zero. For my math peeps.

I was also informed by one knowledgable reader (after my OF drop… hmmm. OF. Where have I heard that before?) that Batcher was an animal and I should have saved my animal-based content for that.

WELL SHIT, TIMMY. YOU COULDN’T HAVE TOLD ME THAT BEFORE I POSTED COULD YOU???

And also very much no, he couldn’t have, because obviously he isn’t psychic and also who the fuck is Timmy?

CATEGORIES: Bad Batch

That’s it?

This isn’t even an emotional Support dog-thing? Just… Bad Batch?

Which does not actually make sense because the “Bad Batch” are clones who had something go wrong with them (hence their “batch” of clones went “bad”) and unless the thing that went wrong with this clone is “Oops all dog-thing DNA…” it’s not a fucking clone! Maybe they should have given her the tag “Bad Litter” or something.

Basic - Crushing Assault

Final Text:

Deal Physical damage to target enemy and gain Speed Up for 1 turn. During Batcher's turn, if the enemy was Marked, inflict Defense Down and 2 stacks of Off Balance for 1 turn.

I hope the images show up. They were present for like 2 minutes when I first copy-pasted them from the EA forums, and now they’re “image not found.” So… maybe? I tried gang. It would be cool.

Anyway, this basic is pretty basic. I guess attacking marked enemies is a lot better than unmarked ones, and self-buffing with speed up is nice. So… Nice doggy!

SPECIAL 1: Piercing Howl (Cooldown 2)

Final Text:

All Bad Batch allies gain 30% Offense for 2 turns, dispel all buffs and inflict Marked on the target enemy for 2 turns, which can't be resisted. Inflict Ability Block on all enemies inflicted with Off Balance for 1 turn, and Offense Down on all enemies for 2 turns.

Man… Zuul really didn’t appreciate the powers of her dogs. I wonder if Batcher is the Keymaster or the Gatekeeper? It’s a she, so I guess that means Gatekeeper. Sigourney Weaver, eat your heart out.

Also this ability seems really strong. Mark whoever you want, buff your allies, ability block some guys maybe, and offense down everyone. No offense. Because only idiots are offended by dogs! Dogs are the best!

SPECIAL 2: Ferocious Bite (Omicron, Cooldown 3)

Final Text:

Deal Physical damage to target enemy and inflict Pinned for 2 turns, and 2 stacks of Bleed (max 6) until the end of the encounter, which can't be dispelled.

Bleed: -5% Speed and Tenacity, and lose 5% Health each turn; remove 1 stack when any Health is recovered

While in Territory Wars: Inflict an additional stack of Bleed (max 6) until the end of the encounter, which can't be dispelled. If another Bad Batch ally is inflicted with Captive, the cooldown of this ability is refreshed.

I’ve said this before, but holy fucking shit this game needs an in-game glossary. Does CG actually expect us to remember that the Pinned ability first appeared and was defined in the STAP’s kit? NO ONE CAN REMEMBER THAT.

You know what game did have an in-game glossary, and one that was AMAZING? Lord of the Fucking Rings - the game CG cancelled because, well, it sucked and no one played it and they really leaned hard into the art style of the original Hobbit book while fully ignoring the films which were much more relevant to the modern fan base. But it had a great in-game glossary!

Anyway I looked it up:

Pinned: Can’t gain bonus turn meter and has -25% speed. Doesn’t stack with Breach or Speed Down.

This appears to stack with Bleed? Unclear. But I’m guessing yes since there’s no specific callout saying it doesn’t (unlike for Breach and Speed Down).

Anyway, this ability makes enemies slower. Neat? Sure. Neat. Great job, dog.

UNIQUE 1: LH-201 (Zeta)

Final Text:

Batcher's damage can't be evaded, and she ignores Stealth and Taunt during her turn. While another Bad Batch ally is inflicted with Captive, Batcher has +50% Offense, +50 Speed, and Piercing Howl's cooldown is reduced by 1. Batcher assists herself whenever she uses a Special ability on her turn.

Man, CG isn’t even pretending that Accuracy is needed in this game anymore. Ignoring Stealth and Taunt is huge. I’m not aware of any other unit that could ignore stealth. The self-assist also means that basic that provides cool buffs when it’s Batcher’s turn is firing all the time. Neat. For real this time. That’s very neat.

A final though before I return you to the new fresh hellscape we’re all living in: The buffs that the new bad batch group gets whenever someone is captured (henceforth to be called “Omeega Fans” - I told you I had thoughts on that OF designation) are really great. So great, perhaps, that this may be a squad where you just don’t gear one of them so that they’re always captured and the rest of your team is badass AF constantly. I mean, I doubt it’ll actually play out that way, but also I can guarantee no one at CG considered the possibility or tested it because, well… gestures at Omeega Fudge’s ability to give Darth Nihilus a turn one OHK.